when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
