life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
