We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize