Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
