I murdered the dance floor call the cops
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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