I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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