My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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