Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So many bounce houses so little time
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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