His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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