Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
