I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Boobs speak an international language.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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