I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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