It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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