It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
