My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
