you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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