we made out on top of his cat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
