Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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