i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
