Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
