So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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