all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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