Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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