he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
