Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
