Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
