At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
