My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
