Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
