No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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