I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
