just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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