I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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