We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
