No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
