i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
