She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
