His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
