Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
