conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
