She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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