i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
