Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
