they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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