she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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