haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
