there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
