ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You smell like stripper and shame
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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