hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
