Pappa wants mamma naked
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
